Another Year

For anyone who has read any of my previous posts I would like to state that this one will not be in the same comical tone. As it is New Year and there is a lot going on in all our lives I am going to be taking a more honest and direct approach. I will not be going into too much detail about anything because I don't think that's fair to anyone who knows me personally or has been affected by the events or happenings in my year.

I will be talking about my New Year Resolutions a little bit later on, and I will also be going over some turning points of this year as I mentioned but first I want to take you back through the memories of New Years I have. Please note that I have never been a club goer so spending extra money to get in somewhere I more than likely won't enjoy is obviously not appealing, but I think you'll agree it is better than the first year on this list…

2005 - I believe I spent the night in a Labour Club being one of only about fifteen people under the age of 50. The room was shoulder to shoulder old people - there was even a raffle and bingo. When those tremendously unexciting activities had ended we were then sung into the New Year by a mediocre female singer. So old people sweat, bad music and boredom…

2006 - I have come up with a blank on this. I actually don't know what I did. There is a vague recollection of what could have been the latter part of the night in 2005 but due to my lack of accuracy I will move on.

2007 - Is the first year I can remember having some level of enjoyment from a New Years Eve shindig although it wasn't without its hiccups. For a start I didn't actually go out until after 23:00 because I was waiting for someone to get ready. I was waiting so long I fell asleep reading a book. We were going to what was my local pub, that I had been frequenting on an almost daily basis for nearly two years and the landlord almost didn't let us in. At first I thought he was joking and when I realised he wasn't, I was not only mad at him for wanting to turn me away but I was mad for being late in the first place. A couple of hours later a few drinks down my neck and seeing a very close friend truly drunk for the first time and I cheered right up.

2008 - A couple of my friends had the monumental idea to have a BBQ for New Years Eve. It was great, we had good food and fireworks and everything. After the 00:00 mark we left and moved on, near where I live there is a live events rock club (I'm purposefully not naming it, if you know me you will know where I mean - If not there's no point in telling you anyway). I like it in there, it's never too busy, they play good music, still on this particular night for some reason I don't know (apart from drunken stupidity) I spent the rest of this night arguing. It was fairly ridiculous, I don't think either of us knows what we were arguing about or why but all I know is it didn't stop until we got back and fell asleep.

2009 - Again we went to the same rock club and the night itself went really quite well. No bad vibes, no arguments, no nothing. Then just as we got out of the taxi trouble arrived. Trouble was in the form of a young and preposterously drunk young girl. We tried to get her a taxi from outside our place but because she was alone and so drunk the driver wouldn't take her. She could barely stand let alone talk so after we managed to discover where she lived, about a ten minute walk from where we were, we decided we would walk her home. About 3 or 4 minutes after we'd set off she was complaining that her shoes were hurting her feet. Being the stupidly nice guy that I am, I gave her a piggy back to rest her feet for a while. The next thing I know some drunk guy stops us and punched me in the face - I managed to restrain him but only after he got some good punches in. Trying to calm down the person I was with whilst getting her to call the police, keeping hold of a guy bigger than me and trying not to let him punch me while reassuring the girl we were helping was not easy. So after the police came, the paramedics came to ensure I was ok even though it was a few punches and nothing serious, the police drove us back around the corner and we had to wait for some other officers to come and take a statement. The police left our place at about half four in the morning…

So leading up to this year - Which you will all have been out and done by the time you read this, I will be alone. For the first time since I have been old enough to drink I have no desire whatsoever to go out and celebrate the New Year coming in. That being said I also can't wait for this year to be over. Here is where the aforementioned tone will change. This year started out as one of the best I have ever had by far, I was surrounded by my friends with a holiday to New York booked and there wasn't a fat lot else I could have wanted, but even so something in me changed.

As I mentioned before, I am not going to go into too much detail but to put it simply I let go of the person mentioned in years 2007 - 2009. I cannot explain why my fear took hold so drastically and I cannot tell you how much I regret the decision I made. But nevertheless all mistakes are opportunities to learn. There is nothing I can do to get back what I lost and I don't know how long it will take me to move on from where I am, all I know is that it is something I have got to do.

As well as this life changing and terrible thing that I did, I was also off sick from work for almost two months I think. I don't mind telling you it was horrendous, any man that reads this will instantly cringe… I had an infection in my 'tubes'. And no it wasn't and STD - The pain was so bad that I could barely walk and sitting up was too painful to bear, I had to lounge on my sofa for weeks to recover. During this period of unrest and pain, I was not only heartbroken of my own doing I had convinced myself that I had testicular cancer and things were just getting worse. Not knowing how to deal with this amount of stress and emotion, I started smoking again. I hadn’t touched one for more than half a year but it was all I could do to ease my mind.

This year I will be 25, not old by any stretch but the plan I made for my life has drastically changed and I will be changing to adapt to that. My list of Resolutions or things to do this year is as follows:
1. Stop smoking again. If you have read my blog on smoking you will already know that. For me it's not a case of trying to quit, I will just stop.
2. To be stronger mentally and commit myself fully to all of the endeavours this year has to offer. That doesn't sound a lot but I am the kind of guy who leaves things half done. As of 2011 that part of me is gone.
3. To do things I actually want to; I am going to learn to play the guitar to start with. I want to do things that will not only challenge me but will be rewarding. And I love music so it only makes sense I learn to make my own.

I am not going to change myself. I have already established that I am more than I ever thought I was, I just need to alter things in me that already exist and I hope you will be with me in the coming year to see those things happen.

And as final note - hopefully I will be set to marry this woman;

For those of you stupid enough to not know who this woman is - it's Kelly Clarkson

The Holiday Season

Ah Christmas, one of the most magical times of the year without a doubt. People walking around in the freezing cold like a pack horse with dozens of bags, stressed about the list of people they have to buy for and somehow still have a smile on their face. There is just something in the air this time of year, I love it. For reasons I won't go into, I will not be so happy myself for this one, I'm going to try and get into the Christmas spirit but I sincerely hope it passes quite quickly.

Something that always makes me feel Christmassy though, is the Coca-Cola Holidays are Coming advert. A sheer classic that everybody loves to see, it's so old that it doesn't fill the whole screen (depending upon your TV), but it just puts a smile on your face. It was on in the breaks between the X-Factor a couple of weeks ago, my friend and I have an ongoing competition dating back the last couple of years to see who catches it first. I won 2008, he won 2009 and we saw it together on Sunday it was all very exciting in a very sad way. Nonetheless it did make me feel that Christmas is coming and aside from my personal love of that advert, that is kind of where it all begins.

I was one of those annoying and ridiculously happy people that just enjoyed every second of the holiday period, even the manic last minute shopping. Recently though (more like the last five years), since I have gained more understanding and perspective of the world I get really frustrated about the commercialisation of Christmas. For me it begins to take more and more of the magic away and it's always the big companies to blame. Now granted I am being a little unfair and biased at the same time because Coca-Cola have made it big from their Christmas campaigns. Did you know that Coca-Cola is mostly responsible for making Santa red? The famous image of Santa comes from the German Weihnachtsmann or Winter Nights Man in English who was the same look and style but wore green. Now Coke weren't the first to make Santa red but for being the biggest company to do so, it changed the way people viewed Santa from around the 1930's. So the power of advertising is a mighty, mighty thing.

I can forgive Coke though, the 30's were a different time, obviously and the world was a different place. Nowadays though adverts are used to con and coerce you into this and that, big companies quash their rivals with offers the smaller companies can't compete with and then the Christmas adverts come out. They always look so pretty with the snow and lots of smiling people asking Santa for this and that with the "ideal for Christmas" speech. Honestly that infuriates me, how can they possibly know what's "ideal" for the people you are planning to buy gifts for? Actually, no, you're 3 for 2 on bath sets are in no way "ideal" for anyone I know. That's my grievance with all things Christmas; all of a sudden everything becomes a perfect present even though it was on the shelves two months ago.

So on top of all the lying advertising campaigns, there is the Boxing Day sale. I loath, detest and despise it… mostly - you can pick up some bargains - but it's just another way shops laugh at you for buying something full price as a present and then selling it off in the sales miles cheaper a few days later because they can make more money out of you. The even funnier thing is that almost everyone is so skint from buying all their gifts before Christmas; they have barely any money to buy anything. Also we are all (most of us) in the same boat, because we know that January is going to be a very long month and payday seems to be an eternity away.

I also don’t like when people insist on telling you how much they've spent on someone. What's the point? Have you never heard the saying "you shouldn't give to receive"? As long as the person I am buying for is happy with their present why should it matter how much it cost and why should it cost at all? I'm not saying you should go out and steal things - maybe if you can get away with it… no I'm just kidding - maybe make something. Take the time and make the effort to give someone something that is completely personal and that not another soul in the world will have. That is the kind of thing that is missing about Christmas, so you can brag to me all you like about spending a bazillion pounds on someone because we will all know just how superficial you are.

That leads me nicely to what I do love about Christmas though. I love the togetherness of it all. I rarely see my family, not because we don't get on or anything; we just aren't very close. I talk to my mom every now and again but that's about it. There is always this day though, this one crazy day in the year where we all usually come together and eat a turkey (or pork because my mom thinks turkey is dry) and just sit down at the table and then watch a film on the TV together. If I wanted to I suppose I could make the trip up there every weekend or so but there just is something different about doing it at Christmas and in a way (at least for me) it makes it that little bit more special. It has a purpose and a meaning, if you do something all the time it becomes the norm so maybe that’s why I enjoy it that little bit more.

In an odd way Christmas makes me want to be a dad. Any of the previous bah-humbugness that I was talking about would all just disappear for me. Kids will have the magic of Christmas all around them and I think it's beautiful to watch. Writing a letter to Santa is one of my favourite things to see, when I was a kid my grandma had a coal fire and my sister and me would write it on special paper and address it to the North Pole and drop it in the fire. The cookies and milk or sometimes brandy, and some carrots for the reindeer, you just never forget things like that. They are the kind of things that people should never stop doing. When I am grown up and actually do have children of my own (two, a boy and a girl) I will be fearful of the day when they stop believing in old St. Nick so that their eyes can remain blissfully ignorant to all the things that make boring old grown ups moan about Christmas.

I love Christmas films too, the old ones at least, the new ones are not so great. The Santa Claus with Dudley More is an old favourite of mine because it always brings back the memory of watching it when I was younger on a tiny TV in the living room with my mom, brother and sister. And the Muppet Christmas Carol is brilliant as well, although Michael Cain cannot sing at all. Still as much as I get annoyed by the blatant Buy Buy Buy attitude of almost every store in the westernised world the sentimental and nostalgic aspect of Christmas keeps me smiling (usually).

So on that note, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas, may it be full of good food, good times and all of your family and friends.

Excuse Me.

Manners. They don't cost a thing do they? Although you might think they do these days. There are so many people who just aren't polite it's untrue, and that's just in the tiny corner of the world I live in. I fear that the rest of the world is becoming increasingly abrupt and ill mannered because complaining seems to be the way forward. I'm not having a go, but think about it (except for work) when was the last time you said "you're welcome" or let someone go first at the bar (obviously that one isn't applicable to work anyway) or if you can honestly say you do all the time when did someone last say it to you?

I am polite almost to a fault. Honestly, I always say please and thank you. I always say you're welcome and I like to say have a nice/good day as much as possible too. It can be argued that this is as result of working in a call centre and it is true that you're welcome and have a nice/good day are recent additions to my day to day interactions but I have always been polite. I was raised well. It's as simple as that. My mom would tell me off for not holding the door or not saying please and thank you etc. and as annoying as it is at the time, I am glad that she did. I am from a fairly common place (when I say fairly, I'm being nice it is very common) with broad accents and in your face opinions. I managed to not turn out like that at all; I am reserved and courteous at all times.

I like being polite though and I think people find it weird sometimes and it makes them smile when I say you're welcome or something like that because it's so rare these days and that is so sad. I am hopefully infecting the people I work and socialise with because it becomes something you just pick up on after a while and start doing. Obviously I'm not saying that everyone in the world is rude but I don't think it's even questionable that there is far less politeness that there used to be. Everything feels more demanded and ordered than asked for and requested.

Even smiling… That's another thing, people just don't smile anymore. Especially when asking for something how about a smile once in a while, I rarely get a smile back, there's this one woman who works in a petrol station just over the road from my office and she is miserable. I have made it a sort of personal goal to make her smile just once. And I don't mean like that. You couldn't get me drunk enough but you know what I mean, if I'm nice enough she might just smile and say thank you without sounding like the words are annoying to her. I am however assuming she is still capable of smiling…

Of all the things that I find annoying though, not holding the door for someone is the worst. There is no excuse for it if you ask me, I go for about ten seconds, if someone is more than ten seconds away I think its acceptable otherwise you are just plain rude. It's not going to kill you to show an ounce of courtesy and patience when the situation calls for it and if you're really going to moan about it, just call it your good deed for the day. In fact, think of it this way; if you have ever worked in a shop or behind a counter or in fact anywhere where you have to face or speak to customers of any kind on a regular basis you will appreciate this. You know when you have one of those days where you've had nothing but hassle and you just want someone to give you a break? Yeah, how good does it feel when someone is just nice, not even specifically nice to you but happy, polite and just nice? I don't know about you but I just want to hug those people for rescuing me from a calamitous day.

It baffles me how people just don't bother with manners though, the kind of people who have the "Well they wouldn't do it for me." attitude. That is absurd logic to me, seriously how old are you? And do you know what? It is almost always those kinds of people who are giving the hassle to the rest of the world anyway. They need to gain some kind of perspective and understand that being rude can be incredibly disheartening when it's day in and day out. If there is a problem, instead of arguing, causing a fuss and kicking off try to understand and politely discuss the options. I have never been rude to anyone and I have always managed to sort things out by being understanding and patient. What is the point in getting worked up?

People who start shouting, really make me angry. I always want to interject and find out why whoever it is feels the need to belittle a complete stranger and make a scene somewhere. I have never felt the need to fly off the handle at anyone before in my life and I never will. Feeling angry at the person who is more than likely pointlessly angry is bad enough, I feel more for the poor person on the receiving end. I have so much empathy in situations like that, like this one time (exactly as I have been saying) I was in KFC and it wasn't particularly busy but the guy serving me was trying to get someone to help him put some of my bucket together. I think he was asking for the fries to be done or something, but the girl he asked, who was doing nothing, just sat there and said "He's your customer." The guy was clearly having one of those aforementioned calamitous days and I said to him when he came back round something like; "One day someone will notice how hard you work and you'll be given a break. Keep your chin up in the meantime and thank you for my food." He said cheers and took the next order but I like to think I had an affect on his day because we have all been there and sometimes it's all you need.

I think that impatience is one of the root causes of our ever rambunctious surroundings. Why is everyone in so much of a rush that basic courtesy becomes nonessential? I don't really plod about, if I'm going somewhere then I am in as much haste as the next person but I still make the effort to let other people go through a door first or down the escalators "After you" is another one I am always saying. I don't mind someone else going in front of me in a queue and things like that because I think it’s the right thing to do. It doesn't really matter whether they are young or old, male or female, deserving of my courtesy or not everyone gets the same treatment, it's gentlemanly.

Sometimes I have been called a pushover which I can kind of understand but it doesn't really matter to me. Treat as you would wish to be treated and I adhere to that philosophy completely because as I mentioned, I hope people think "Oh that was nice of him, I think I'll start saying that" or something like that. That is obviously rather a bigheaded and slightly selfish point of view but its right. If only one person ever takes my example then at least I have affected a positive change and in turn I know that it will pass to someone else.

Things That You Shouldn't But Do

You may or may not know, but I am a man of eclectic tastes. I like things that are so completely opposite it's ridiculous. The easiest example is my taste in music; I like Whitney Houston and Linkin Park or Boyzone and Bullet for my Valentine. I want to talk about things that are sort of guilty pleasures, things that shouldn't get you that do or even things that you get the mick taken out of you for.

For me the list is quite long… I am the butt of a lot of jokes with my friends. The first of which goes back to my taste in music and for this I blame my mother. If I'm honest, I was always a bit of a mommy's boy and I was raised listening to soppy girl music. The problem is that I never really grew out of it. Well the music anyway, I'm not a mommy's boy anymore. Anyway not only should I not really admit to liking Mariah Carey or Westlife I openly sing along to their music. When it comes to singing, I can't sing well but I love to, there is a song for every mood and I like to just go with it. That may not be such a bad thing, with the exception of the questionable taste in music, but I don't just sing to myself. I sing walking down the street, at work, in the pub, shopping, basically anywhere I feel like it. That is a bit weird I grant you and justifiably a reason to have the mick taken out of me for, so moving on.

Something that I am consciously trying to reign in, consciously but unsuccessfully, is my need to know the answer. I don't mean to prove that I'm right, it's becoming quite boring, I just need to know one way or the other. Here's an example, you're in a pub with a group of you friends and you are talking about something or other and all of a sudden none of you can remember the name of something, like a song or a TV show. A couple of hours go by then you get that glorious moment after more alcohol has flowed and one of you leaps up out of your seat and says "I've got it!" then everybody is all "Well done", "It was on the tip of my brain". Nope forget all that, if nobody can remember I have the awful and ever increasing habit of just taking out my phone, opening up the internet and searching for it. I will have the answer in seconds. Like I said though, I am consciously trying to reign in because I am begging to annoy myself - I just need to know.

Sort of linked with the last bit, my incessant quest for what pretty much everyone I know call 'useless facts'. I downloaded an application for my phone with more than ten thousand of them; it was like Christmas had come early. I was slightly disappointed though, there were lots that were duplicated but repetition just helps you remember so it was all good in the end. I think its odd that I'm the only person I know who finds these little titbits of information fascinating, my friends and colleagues invariably find it amusing that I am like a walking quiz book, one of my colleagues has taken to calling me Joshipedia.

The next item on my list is for being a bit of a sissy. I don't mean a wimp; those of you that do know me will know I'm not a wimp at all. I mean to say that I am in touch with my feminine side. One of my best friends always says that every man should use Clint Eastwood as a marker of how much of a man you are. I am nothing like Clint Eastwood… upon meeting me; he would probably kick my ass and call me a girl then more than likely spit on me for good measure. Being in touch with my feminine side makes me a little bit more in touch with my emotions. An arguably admirable quality, apparently women like it - on a side note, if you know any of said women please let me know. No, what is a bad thing is that I cry a little bit too much. It’s not that unacceptable I suppose, its only really films that get me. I do however have an ever growing list of films that make me blubber. The worst of which is Forrest Gump, that bit when he's talking to her grave… it has gotten so bad now that I start welling up about half an hour before that scene because I know its coming. I know, I know… this time I blame Tom Hanks. He has this innate ability to make me cry. And trust me when I say, a blubbering me is not a pretty sight.

The following is probably again, not so terrible, but I think I probably take it a little bit too far and that my friends is being a romantic. I am, through and through. I also think that everyone is in some way or another, even if they show is in different ways, if at all. Me, I'm the old fashioned, wear your heart on your sleeve kind of guy. I don't really have the money for extravagant gestures but I don't think that's what it's all about. It's about doing something unexpected and entirely personal just for the one you're with. And without blowing my own trumpet, I do that brilliantly. I do it so well because I want to do it. I like to make the effort and I like to be different and I hate when I get included in generalisations. I just hate generalisations really. I may well have admitted to being selfish in the past and in some respects I am, but when it comes to being a friend or something more than a friend I think I am completely selfless. I will always put the needs of others ahead of mine and go out of my way to get something if I have to. Not even if I have too, I just want to most of the time and that's what makes me a romantic. I could give you examples but that would take away the romance and the personal aspect of the things I have done in the past, you'll just have to take my word for it.

Not so much something that I get the mickey taken out of me for but something that people always find surprising is that I can cook. I rarely make things from scratch, if I do there is always a reason for it, but I am one of these people who can just cook. Don't get me wrong, I'm no chef, but I've never had any complaints. I never really learned how, I had to just eat what I was given, my mom struggles with warming things up in the microwave so it was eat or go hungry when I was a kid. I like to watch food programmes on the TV, I have cook books and to top that off, I'm not messy when I do cook and I like to do the washing up. A lot of the time I have to be in the mood, you know when you just look at it and think "Oh, I'll just do it tomorrow…" that's a bit like me. I am quite domesticated really, if a bit lazy but if I get in the mood to start cleaning, just sit back and watch me go. I'll clean around you and make you a cup of tea while I'm doing it. My friends have quite often said that I'll make a good wife one day…

The odd thing about all this is that I seem to be the only person I know who is as opposite as I am. My friends like the odd song that is different to their general genre but nothing really in comparison to me. I might have a fair few jokes poked at me pretty much on a daily basis but I do rise to it because it's funny and lets be honest after reading this, do you honestly think I've got a leg to stand? It can be very difficult to come up with any sort of defence either. When all you've got is that "Just because you don't like it…", not great. I hope that someone who reads this is thinking "I know exactly what you mean." That' would be great, I am a fairly rare breed to say the least, I won't say I'm one in a million because that would mean there are more than six thousand of me in China. I'm kind of like the odd one out who is stuck smack bang in the middle, know what I mean? It's good though; I believe in being an individual and believe me when I say you will never meet anyone like me.