Cry Baby

You may or may not remember me saying in some of my previous posts that I am somewhat of an emotional guy. Also in an odd way I contradict myself because quite frankly, sometimes I can be a bit of a heartless *expletive*. Having said that, when I am being mean, it's usually justified by stupidity and such the like and I just can't be bothered with all that. If you don't know something, don't pretend you do because I will prove you are talking crap and make you look like the idiot you are.

Anyhow, back to the point. Usually, yeah, we'll go with usually, I am a pretty emotional guy. I am fairly "lovey dovey", I like to cuddle and all that and although I'm a man (and that has been put to question a few times) I am not afraid of showing my emotions. If something makes me happy, you'll find me smiling all day - or at least until the aforementioned stupidity factor kicks in - and I like that because I like to make other people smile too. If something makes me angry then trust me when I say, you will know about it, the air goes blue because of my foul cursword rants and people tend to give me a wide berth. Then we get to when I'm sad.

Now before I go on because I am about to sound like a right dope, I don't cry all the time not even close. So there. I do however do a fair bit of crying when I watch sad films. At first the list was very short and for some reason only involved films with Tom Hanks in, which reminds me, I still need to write to him and tell him to stop it, but now the list is as long as my arm and still growing.

My girlfriend thinks it's ok but I think she has misplaced some memories about the amount of times she has seen me cry which, I'm pretty sure is a good thing because I just keep finding new films that make my eyes all puffy and full of tears. A prime example of my film induced teariness is The Notebook. If you haven't seen that already, watch it. Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams (I literally love her) are so brilliant, you might actually think they're together. They aren't though, Rachel McAdams is actually my girlfriend. Obviously.

Yes, so the point again, I have seen this film three times. With an ex-girlfriend, many years ago, my current girlfriend (Rachel McAdams) and once by myself. Now the first two times, I cried. Not like blubbering and snivelling but I did, but then for reasons unknown, I decided to watch it by myself. There I was, eating Chinese food with some Coca-Cola to wash it down with then all of a sudden, tears. I was crying at new bits that I hadn't cried to before... Snivelling and sobbing commenced and only subsided until the bit that made me cry before came on then it all started again. What's that about?

So yeah, I'm not ashamed of all of this, well maybe a little, I think my male friends think it's a bit weird and I make jokes about it with my female friends. I really don't understand how it seems to be getting worse though. That is that I am becoming more prone to these film induced crying fits, seriously, don't even get me started on Forrest Gump otherwise we'll be here all bloody day.

So all in all, I have confessed once again being in touch with my femenine and now I pose the question to you... Is it ok for a dude to cry?

Please submit all answers on a postcard and the best one will be picked at random for a prize of my choosing. Don't get your hopes up.

Pastures New?

Is it time for me to move on? Before any of you start I'm talking about professionally, nothing else. I've had quite a good run where I am now. I have been lucky enough to have worked with some of the greatest people ever. You know who you are… My problem is, I feel like I've done all I can here.

I've not managed to get to the upper echelon of the hierarchy, and if I'm honest I have little desire to do so these days, but my future feels a bit empty at the moment. I would greatly like to emphasise that I'm not unhappy at work and nor does my job or work get on my nerves, but there is only so much you can do in a call centre…

Having said that, I generally don't take calls, my team doesn't have a requirement to do so but that's not the point. There has been a change in the wind recently and that is what I don't like and why I feel a bit stuck in a hole. Management is a funny thing, people will always make decisions you might not necessarily agree with, but I really don't like what is happening at the moment.

Not that I don't like the people, I'm not saying that. I treat everyone as I would wish to be treated but it doesn't appear everyone has the same level of understanding on what that means. I have always been and will always be happy to answer any question/s anyone wants to ask me. That being said, if I answer a question and it's not what you wanted to hear is that my fault?

If I could give you the answer you were looking for then that's what I'd say wouldn't I? I'm not just going to lie and tell you something that is complete and utter tripe for no reason. If I tell you something then I've told you the answer. Simple as that. My problem is that I get a half hearted 'thanks' and the expectation of somebody going to moan about me as soon as they've left the vicinity of my desk. That's not very motivational now is it?

On top of that, I am changing the world this month and the next, I am literally going to change the way a lot of people work. It wasn't wholly my idea, someone well above me said 'I want this' so I came up with a way to make 'this' happen. When the 'this' goes in I will not only make peoples lives easier, I will actually be saving the company money, seriously, granted on the company's scale it’s not a vast amount, however when times are tough as they have been every little helps.

So as you can imagine, I know what I'm doing and everyone knows that I know what I'm doing, but for some reason that's not good enough. There are people I work with who value my opinion, experience and (not to blow my own trumpet) but talent. There are also people who know I'm good at what I do but moan, bitch and whine about me. Is it too much to ask to be treated with respect?

So, pastures new… There has been a job posted on our internal website that has really caught my eye. Something entirely different but something I have done before and enjoyed. It's more money and it’s based in the same place. So what have I got to lose?

I risk losing coming into work knowing I will be making a difference to a lot of people on an almost daily basis. I risk not working with some of my favourite people. I risk not being very good if I did go for and get this other job. I will however gain the feeling of actually being valued by more than a handful of people in an office with more than three hundred.