Saturday, 16 April 2011
What About The What Ifs?
Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you had done something differently? I think I might have talked about this before, but it's plaguing my mind again… Let me explain.
There are a few things I wish I had by now the first is a car (I think), and that is within my power to obtain, however I really do think I should be driving by now instead of having to learn. So what if I had learned to drive when I was seventeen? I wanted to, I just had a very low paid job and I would only have been able to afford one lesson a fortnight. At the time I thought that was pointless, now however, it doesn't seem so bad. Would I be doing what I'm doing now? I doubt I'd live where I do, I think I'd have moved out of the Midlands entirely to be honest.
It doesn't bother me too much that I don't drive, I don't mind walking or catching the bus. And as I said I can do it, when I pull my socks up and sort myself out. I can tell you one thing though, if I had been driving when I was seventeen my life between then and twenty-one would have been very different - I wouldn't have bumped into an old friend in a bus station…
This is really one that bugs me… What if I'd have finished college? Now I have never been the study guy, or at least I wasn't when it mattered I love to learn now. I have the problem where I like to be given all the information in the beginning so I can digest it all at once… anyway, If I had not overslept and missed my English Literature exam at school I would have been set for two years of A-Levels at college. Brilliant. So if I'd have done that, would I have gone to university? Would I have even finished the course?
If I had have gone to uni, it would more than likely to have learned English and teaching. I always thought I'd make a good teacher, and I love English so now, being twenty-five, would I be teaching some kids about the brilliance of Shakespeare in a high school somewhere? Would I even be enjoying it if I did?
A little bit more fanciful but still a possibility nevertheless. What if I had trained in martial arts from an early age, perhaps through high school, and found the UFC before now? Yes I know this one is a little bit out there although the fact remains that if I had been training for a while fighting for the biggest and best mixed martial arts association in the world definitely would have been something I aspired to. Again not that it's impossible now but it is even more unlikely to happen now than if I had been fighting from the early days.
So if I had done that, would I have moved over to the States? The answer to that is probably 100% yes because I'd move there now if I could. Would I have been any good? (Probably, I'm pretty good at most things) Would I have had to leave and come back happy in the knowledge that I tried? I might have even gone to fight in Japan for Pride FC…
Not many people will know about this one, but what if my ex-girlfriend and I had kept the baby? I would have a seven year old now… yes if you have done the math's I was eighteen, we both were, we just weren't ready. We could barely look after ourselves at the time and bringing a baby into the world didn't seem fair or right. We were worried about what it would do to us… A lot of people wouldn't agree with it but we made the right decision for us both.
So how crazy would my life have been if I had a little Josh Jr. or a little 'Girls name' Jr? Would I have had the drive I needed to make something of myself? Would my little boy or girl have both its parents? Would I have been as sensible and stepped up to fatherhood if we'd chosen to take the risk?
The be all and end all is that here I am writing to myself and to all of you, my wonderful readers, wondering what my life would have been like if one thing had changed. I more than likely would not be writing this now… or would I?
It's all nonsensical anyway because none of those things happened as a result of my own choices and actions. They weren't always right but who always makes the right moves? One thing I do know is this, I wouldn't change a thing.
I am sitting here tapping my keyboard whilst in contemplation about a present that does not exist and I still find myself here in my imagination. I can't say that I ended up doing all the things I wanted to do by now, that would be a lie. I can't say that my journey here was an easy one, but it was worth it? Yes. My life so far has been eventful, I may not have lived as much as some of you, but I have got a fair amount of experience in my adult life and I am happy with it.
I may not have the best job in the world, I may have to catch buses, trains, taxis or walk to and from where I want to go, but I couldn't be happier. No have haven't made my fortune by getting punched in the face, I don't have a degree and I don't teach. I'm not a father yet and I don't know when I will be.
I do have some of the best friends I could ever ask for, a job that I like doing (sure it does my head in every now and then but that's just work). I have the most beautiful woman in the world to call my girlfriend and I have the rest of my life ahead of me. Forget about the What Ifs…
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
The Dinner Party
I think at some point in every persons life, in a group situation usually, you are asked the question; "If you could have any body from history to a dinner party, who would you invite?"
Firstly let me say that I love asking people that question, I think you can get a lot of information about from what they answer. It's also a great conversation starter - I would suggest using it as an ice breaker when you are meeting new people or doing training at work or something. I would be very surprised if everyone answers and there is a lull of silence. I guarantee one person will hear another's list and say "Why such-and-such?"
So there you go a little advice from my very wise self. So now, hopefully you are thinking "I wonder what his are?" and who am I to deny you that. The number of attendees to this dinner party fluctuates somewhat depending on who asks you but as much as I don't like odd numbers (it's an OCD thing) I am going with seven, simply because eight is a great number for a dinner party and you can't discount yourself can you. I will be listing the attendees with an explanation of each, so here goes.
Abraham Lincoln; A lot of people are bemused by my inviting a former American president to the table and I can see why, however, this man is one of few men who literally changed the world. Before Lincoln was President what is now the Untied Sates of America were not united, there was turmoil and the states feuded almost constantly. Not only did Lincoln help shape what would grow into the most powerful country in the world, he opposed slavery and amended the Constitution to end all slavery and slave trade in the United States, he truly believed that all men should be free and lobbied this cause despite knowing that this would harm his political popularity. Abraham Lincoln was one of the greatest advocators of freedom and fairness and in my opinion one of the greatest men to have ever lived.
Bruce Lee; This one seems to come as more an expected response from me. I have always been a fan of martial arts, its philosophy and the fact that it is an art. It is a skill that takes years to master and Bruce Lee truly was a master. Not only was he probably the toughest man in the world in his prime he shaped a lot of culture. He pioneered fight scenes in his films with more than one adversary at a time, his physique led body builders to focus more on definition rather than size because as I'm sure you know, Bruce Lee was ripped. He was also one of the first people to really balance his diet to sustain his training. Similarly to Lincoln, Lee believed that all people were the same; he went against the grain by teaching Gung Fu (what Kung Fu is actually called before Hollywood changed it) to anyone that wanted to learn. Not only that, he conceived a completely new philosophy to fighting focusing on the efficiency of movement and utilising ones strengths. Bruce Lee was one of the worlds greatest thinkers, that sounds far fetched but he was looking to improve himself in every way possible and by doing this affected the way a lot of things work, for proof of this, watch a documentary called How Bruce Lee Changed the World.
Stephen Fry; One thing you may or may not know about him is that he is bipolar. He suffers from manic depression which even resulted in a breakdown. Part of the reason for this is that he doesn't like not being included. He apparently feels lost if he cannot talk to people. So what did Stephen do? He learned everything. Obviously that sounds absurd but it's true. So that he can talk to anybody having any kind of conversation, he learned everything that he could absorb. I think that is remarkable, genuinely. Not only is he one of the most intelligent people I have ever heard about he is unbelievably witty. Intelligent wit is one of the best kinds of wit and he has it in abundance. Inviting Stephen Fry would provide humour, intellectual conversation (which I would probably struggle to keep up with) and millions of interesting facts which we all know I love.
Steven Hawking; Do you ever just look up at the stars? Get lost in how beautiful the night sky is? The universe is to me, the most fascinating subject. Its possibilities are endless. The potential for evolved life across the infiniteness of the cosmos, theories of travelling across it, understanding its beginning… These are all questions that can not be answered, at least in our lifetimes anyway. Steven Hawking is the man that conceptualised several theories about the beginning of the universe as well as many other things that even as I looked at a list of, I didn't understand… This is something that I could talk about for hours and hours even our minute solar system has millions of possible topics of conversation… And trust me if you doubt, our solar system is minute compared to the vastness of the space beyond. We are but a spec on a single grain of sand on a beach where the end is not in sight.
Leonardo Da Vinci; Need I say more? This man invented scissors, tanks, helicopters, planes… The list goes on and the only reason most of his inventions were not made is because the technology required was not available to him. In regards to him being an artist, there is a legend that someone once asked him to prove that he was an artist so he took some parchment or paper and a pencil and drew a perfect circle free-hand. Sound like nothing special? Try it. It's almost impossible. Not only that, he could draw with one hand and write simultaneously with the other. Da Vinci was the truest definition of a Renaissance Man - Ever seen the sketch of the Vitruvian Man? Yep that was Da Vinci too, he was fascinated by the anatomy, drawing accurate representations of joints and muscles that could be used in reference today. This is incredible to me, he lived April 15, 1452 – May 2, 1519 nearly five hundred years ago. Just imagine the things that he could create with the technology and resource we could provide for him today.
J. K. Rowling; A bit of an odd choice I think considering the other guests so far however, she has created one of the greatest fantasy worlds in recent history up there with Middle Earth and the world of The Wheel of Time. I am not a big reader, I wish I was because getting lost in a good book is great, but when it comes to Rowling's Harry Potter series, I have read them all several times. Arguably children's books, they have captured the hearts and minds of older generations also. The world she has created feels real when you read any of those books makes you feel like you are with Harry through all of his adventures. It leads you into wandering what happens next and makes you believe in magic again. I would love to talk about the possibilities of the magical world she had created.
Kelly Clarkson; This is purely because I'm a man and as much as I'm sure they would have some input to the conversations we would be having, they could just sit there and look pretty. And I genuinely love her music, I've seen her live and she has a southern accent so anything she says would sound sexy. And then once the dinner has finished I the wine has been consumed, I can canoodle with her (whichever her it may be).
So there you go, my dinner party. I think that may give you an insight into my brain and you may realise that I'm a tad boring really… The last two were particularly difficult to decide on. The more that I thought about this there were more and more people coming to mind… Randy Couture, Dana White, Marylin Monroe and a few more. Anyway I won't procrastinate, have a think about your guests and let me know.
Firstly let me say that I love asking people that question, I think you can get a lot of information about from what they answer. It's also a great conversation starter - I would suggest using it as an ice breaker when you are meeting new people or doing training at work or something. I would be very surprised if everyone answers and there is a lull of silence. I guarantee one person will hear another's list and say "Why such-and-such?"
So there you go a little advice from my very wise self. So now, hopefully you are thinking "I wonder what his are?" and who am I to deny you that. The number of attendees to this dinner party fluctuates somewhat depending on who asks you but as much as I don't like odd numbers (it's an OCD thing) I am going with seven, simply because eight is a great number for a dinner party and you can't discount yourself can you. I will be listing the attendees with an explanation of each, so here goes.
Abraham Lincoln; A lot of people are bemused by my inviting a former American president to the table and I can see why, however, this man is one of few men who literally changed the world. Before Lincoln was President what is now the Untied Sates of America were not united, there was turmoil and the states feuded almost constantly. Not only did Lincoln help shape what would grow into the most powerful country in the world, he opposed slavery and amended the Constitution to end all slavery and slave trade in the United States, he truly believed that all men should be free and lobbied this cause despite knowing that this would harm his political popularity. Abraham Lincoln was one of the greatest advocators of freedom and fairness and in my opinion one of the greatest men to have ever lived.
Bruce Lee; This one seems to come as more an expected response from me. I have always been a fan of martial arts, its philosophy and the fact that it is an art. It is a skill that takes years to master and Bruce Lee truly was a master. Not only was he probably the toughest man in the world in his prime he shaped a lot of culture. He pioneered fight scenes in his films with more than one adversary at a time, his physique led body builders to focus more on definition rather than size because as I'm sure you know, Bruce Lee was ripped. He was also one of the first people to really balance his diet to sustain his training. Similarly to Lincoln, Lee believed that all people were the same; he went against the grain by teaching Gung Fu (what Kung Fu is actually called before Hollywood changed it) to anyone that wanted to learn. Not only that, he conceived a completely new philosophy to fighting focusing on the efficiency of movement and utilising ones strengths. Bruce Lee was one of the worlds greatest thinkers, that sounds far fetched but he was looking to improve himself in every way possible and by doing this affected the way a lot of things work, for proof of this, watch a documentary called How Bruce Lee Changed the World.
Stephen Fry; One thing you may or may not know about him is that he is bipolar. He suffers from manic depression which even resulted in a breakdown. Part of the reason for this is that he doesn't like not being included. He apparently feels lost if he cannot talk to people. So what did Stephen do? He learned everything. Obviously that sounds absurd but it's true. So that he can talk to anybody having any kind of conversation, he learned everything that he could absorb. I think that is remarkable, genuinely. Not only is he one of the most intelligent people I have ever heard about he is unbelievably witty. Intelligent wit is one of the best kinds of wit and he has it in abundance. Inviting Stephen Fry would provide humour, intellectual conversation (which I would probably struggle to keep up with) and millions of interesting facts which we all know I love.
Steven Hawking; Do you ever just look up at the stars? Get lost in how beautiful the night sky is? The universe is to me, the most fascinating subject. Its possibilities are endless. The potential for evolved life across the infiniteness of the cosmos, theories of travelling across it, understanding its beginning… These are all questions that can not be answered, at least in our lifetimes anyway. Steven Hawking is the man that conceptualised several theories about the beginning of the universe as well as many other things that even as I looked at a list of, I didn't understand… This is something that I could talk about for hours and hours even our minute solar system has millions of possible topics of conversation… And trust me if you doubt, our solar system is minute compared to the vastness of the space beyond. We are but a spec on a single grain of sand on a beach where the end is not in sight.
Leonardo Da Vinci; Need I say more? This man invented scissors, tanks, helicopters, planes… The list goes on and the only reason most of his inventions were not made is because the technology required was not available to him. In regards to him being an artist, there is a legend that someone once asked him to prove that he was an artist so he took some parchment or paper and a pencil and drew a perfect circle free-hand. Sound like nothing special? Try it. It's almost impossible. Not only that, he could draw with one hand and write simultaneously with the other. Da Vinci was the truest definition of a Renaissance Man - Ever seen the sketch of the Vitruvian Man? Yep that was Da Vinci too, he was fascinated by the anatomy, drawing accurate representations of joints and muscles that could be used in reference today. This is incredible to me, he lived April 15, 1452 – May 2, 1519 nearly five hundred years ago. Just imagine the things that he could create with the technology and resource we could provide for him today.
J. K. Rowling; A bit of an odd choice I think considering the other guests so far however, she has created one of the greatest fantasy worlds in recent history up there with Middle Earth and the world of The Wheel of Time. I am not a big reader, I wish I was because getting lost in a good book is great, but when it comes to Rowling's Harry Potter series, I have read them all several times. Arguably children's books, they have captured the hearts and minds of older generations also. The world she has created feels real when you read any of those books makes you feel like you are with Harry through all of his adventures. It leads you into wandering what happens next and makes you believe in magic again. I would love to talk about the possibilities of the magical world she had created.
Kelly Clarkson; This is purely because I'm a man and as much as I'm sure they would have some input to the conversations we would be having, they could just sit there and look pretty. And I genuinely love her music, I've seen her live and she has a southern accent so anything she says would sound sexy. And then once the dinner has finished I the wine has been consumed, I can canoodle with her (whichever her it may be).
So there you go, my dinner party. I think that may give you an insight into my brain and you may realise that I'm a tad boring really… The last two were particularly difficult to decide on. The more that I thought about this there were more and more people coming to mind… Randy Couture, Dana White, Marylin Monroe and a few more. Anyway I won't procrastinate, have a think about your guests and let me know.
Friday, 1 April 2011
Breast Please!
Yesterday (31/03/11) was National Cleavage Day. To me that might be the best day in the calendar year and I'm pretty sure a hefty chunk of the male population will agree with me.
Boobs might be the greatest thing in the entire world. There was once a time when it was considered an insult to show off ones cleavage… I am unbelievably glad I do not live in such a time. Although I do think that boobs are also a little bit evil - In a good way obviously.
See, I am in the firm belief that when we are all at school and the girls and boys are separated for sex education that as well as lessons in the safe practices of intercourse, you women are educated in the art of boob-seduction. Yes, I am on to you. I will still more than likely fall for your devious plots but I am still on to you.
You and your eye-drawing cleavage that you claim not to show off on purpose. We all know you do it so that you can get us to say yes to things without realising it. It's not a very nice thing to do you know, we would never flash parts of our penises to try and get you to say yes unintentionally. Mainly because it's a pretty difficult thing to do, I have tried; my trousers just fell down…
One of the things that seem to be impossible for women to understand is that it is nigh on impossible not to look. I'm not joking; it is a conscious and continuous effort not to stare. It's bad enough when they're covered up but when you let those glorious breasts out, it's like torturous.
Yes, yes we know our moms have them but you have to understand, it's your mom. You wouldn't look at your dads penis if it was on show would you? See, it's the same thing. The great thing is that you buy clothes to show them off. Thank you. One thing I've always wondered though, do you buy them thinking "my boobs look good in this" with the intention to show them off or do you just like the top/dress? I bet you would say the latter but I also bet there is a hint of the former…
I think you like to test us as well. Just to see us struggle, watch the tiny beads of sweat drip down our foreheads. Watch us focus so intently on your eyes that we are frowning, all just to see how long we can avoid the glance until we crack under the pressure. Then after all the effort we put in, when you catch us, you frown at us. Sometimes even complain at us "my eyes are up here…", yes I know but they're just so pretty.
Imagine the scenario… We’re in a club/bar/pub of some description. You're at the bar looking all gorgeous with an average amount of cleavage for a night out (obviously I know you don't always have your boobs out but humour me). It's midway through the night about ten-ish so we’ve had some drinks… I come over to you to talk (lets face it, you wouldn't come over to me). You have obviously dressed to attract and yet if I were to look more than once the conversation would turn fairly quickly. No? Hmm… I knew you would have that reaction. It's true though. What? The reaction where you say "No I don't" or "No I wouldn't say anything" and any number of other statements to the same affect. Stop lying because you know you would. You sometimes even say, "I'm used to it", if that's the case, why give me and the rest of the male population so much hassle. I think you should look at the positive side if you're wearing a top that shows your boobs and we look, are you not achieving what you set out to do?
Obviously I know that we are not perfect. There are some men who just gawp. Not that you'll believe me, but I don't do that. I will not deny looking but as I said, boobs are my favourite things in the world, but I don't stare (maybe a little if I'm really drunk). It's taken years of conditioning though, making eye contact and not breaking it is a difficult thing to learn, even if there's no boobs to look at. I'm sure any women I know and see regularly will not attest to this but I don't care, if you do think I stare, please know that I'm desperately trying not too. In fact, if you do think I stare, tell me to stop.
I thought I was actually a little bit sick with boob fever the other week. Everything just made me think of boobs. I even saw the word breast and I have no idea why but it made me laugh. It was a trying time, but I'm past it now.
Boobs are great. If I believed in a god I would thank him for such a wonderful gift to mankind. Instead I will thank Charles Darwin because he came up with the theories of evolution. More importantly I will thank all of you. You wonderful, wonderful women who can make a bad day better just by having boobs, that's facetious but it is true. Walking around and catching a glimpse of ample bosom in a low cut top can really brighten up my day.
I genuinely mean no offence by this post I just thought I would share my love and appreciation. To all of you women out there with boobs, keep doing what you are doing and don't ever stop. And thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
Boobs might be the greatest thing in the entire world. There was once a time when it was considered an insult to show off ones cleavage… I am unbelievably glad I do not live in such a time. Although I do think that boobs are also a little bit evil - In a good way obviously.
See, I am in the firm belief that when we are all at school and the girls and boys are separated for sex education that as well as lessons in the safe practices of intercourse, you women are educated in the art of boob-seduction. Yes, I am on to you. I will still more than likely fall for your devious plots but I am still on to you.
You and your eye-drawing cleavage that you claim not to show off on purpose. We all know you do it so that you can get us to say yes to things without realising it. It's not a very nice thing to do you know, we would never flash parts of our penises to try and get you to say yes unintentionally. Mainly because it's a pretty difficult thing to do, I have tried; my trousers just fell down…
One of the things that seem to be impossible for women to understand is that it is nigh on impossible not to look. I'm not joking; it is a conscious and continuous effort not to stare. It's bad enough when they're covered up but when you let those glorious breasts out, it's like torturous.
Yes, yes we know our moms have them but you have to understand, it's your mom. You wouldn't look at your dads penis if it was on show would you? See, it's the same thing. The great thing is that you buy clothes to show them off. Thank you. One thing I've always wondered though, do you buy them thinking "my boobs look good in this" with the intention to show them off or do you just like the top/dress? I bet you would say the latter but I also bet there is a hint of the former…
I think you like to test us as well. Just to see us struggle, watch the tiny beads of sweat drip down our foreheads. Watch us focus so intently on your eyes that we are frowning, all just to see how long we can avoid the glance until we crack under the pressure. Then after all the effort we put in, when you catch us, you frown at us. Sometimes even complain at us "my eyes are up here…", yes I know but they're just so pretty.
Imagine the scenario… We’re in a club/bar/pub of some description. You're at the bar looking all gorgeous with an average amount of cleavage for a night out (obviously I know you don't always have your boobs out but humour me). It's midway through the night about ten-ish so we’ve had some drinks… I come over to you to talk (lets face it, you wouldn't come over to me). You have obviously dressed to attract and yet if I were to look more than once the conversation would turn fairly quickly. No? Hmm… I knew you would have that reaction. It's true though. What? The reaction where you say "No I don't" or "No I wouldn't say anything" and any number of other statements to the same affect. Stop lying because you know you would. You sometimes even say, "I'm used to it", if that's the case, why give me and the rest of the male population so much hassle. I think you should look at the positive side if you're wearing a top that shows your boobs and we look, are you not achieving what you set out to do?
Obviously I know that we are not perfect. There are some men who just gawp. Not that you'll believe me, but I don't do that. I will not deny looking but as I said, boobs are my favourite things in the world, but I don't stare (maybe a little if I'm really drunk). It's taken years of conditioning though, making eye contact and not breaking it is a difficult thing to learn, even if there's no boobs to look at. I'm sure any women I know and see regularly will not attest to this but I don't care, if you do think I stare, please know that I'm desperately trying not too. In fact, if you do think I stare, tell me to stop.
I thought I was actually a little bit sick with boob fever the other week. Everything just made me think of boobs. I even saw the word breast and I have no idea why but it made me laugh. It was a trying time, but I'm past it now.
Boobs are great. If I believed in a god I would thank him for such a wonderful gift to mankind. Instead I will thank Charles Darwin because he came up with the theories of evolution. More importantly I will thank all of you. You wonderful, wonderful women who can make a bad day better just by having boobs, that's facetious but it is true. Walking around and catching a glimpse of ample bosom in a low cut top can really brighten up my day.
I genuinely mean no offence by this post I just thought I would share my love and appreciation. To all of you women out there with boobs, keep doing what you are doing and don't ever stop. And thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
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