What About The What Ifs?

Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you had done something differently? I think I might have talked about this before, but it's plaguing my mind again… Let me explain.

There are a few things I wish I had by now the first is a car (I think), and that is within my power to obtain, however I really do think I should be driving by now instead of having to learn. So what if I had learned to drive when I was seventeen? I wanted to, I just had a very low paid job and I would only have been able to afford one lesson a fortnight. At the time I thought that was pointless, now however, it doesn't seem so bad. Would I be doing what I'm doing now? I doubt I'd live where I do, I think I'd have moved out of the Midlands entirely to be honest.

It doesn't bother me too much that I don't drive, I don't mind walking or catching the bus. And as I said I can do it, when I pull my socks up and sort myself out. I can tell you one thing though, if I had been driving when I was seventeen my life between then and twenty-one would have been very different - I wouldn't have bumped into an old friend in a bus station…

This is really one that bugs me… What if I'd have finished college? Now I have never been the study guy, or at least I wasn't when it mattered I love to learn now. I have the problem where I like to be given all the information in the beginning so I can digest it all at once… anyway, If I had not overslept and missed my English Literature exam at school I would have been set for two years of A-Levels at college. Brilliant. So if I'd have done that, would I have gone to university? Would I have even finished the course?

If I had have gone to uni, it would more than likely to have learned English and teaching. I always thought I'd make a good teacher, and I love English so now, being twenty-five, would I be teaching some kids about the brilliance of Shakespeare in a high school somewhere? Would I even be enjoying it if I did?

A little bit more fanciful but still a possibility nevertheless. What if I had trained in martial arts from an early age, perhaps through high school, and found the UFC before now? Yes I know this one is a little bit out there although the fact remains that if I had been training for a while fighting for the biggest and best mixed martial arts association in the world definitely would have been something I aspired to. Again not that it's impossible now but it is even more unlikely to happen now than if I had been fighting from the early days.

So if I had done that, would I have moved over to the States? The answer to that is probably 100% yes because I'd move there now if I could. Would I have been any good? (Probably, I'm pretty good at most things) Would I have had to leave and come back happy in the knowledge that I tried? I might have even gone to fight in Japan for Pride FC…

Not many people will know about this one, but what if my ex-girlfriend and I had kept the baby? I would have a seven year old now… yes if you have done the math's I was eighteen, we both were, we just weren't ready. We could barely look after ourselves at the time and bringing a baby into the world didn't seem fair or right. We were worried about what it would do to us… A lot of people wouldn't agree with it but we made the right decision for us both.

So how crazy would my life have been if I had a little Josh Jr. or a little 'Girls name' Jr? Would I have had the drive I needed to make something of myself? Would my little boy or girl have both its parents? Would I have been as sensible and stepped up to fatherhood if we'd chosen to take the risk?

The be all and end all is that here I am writing to myself and to all of you, my wonderful readers, wondering what my life would have been like if one thing had changed. I more than likely would not be writing this now… or would I?

It's all nonsensical anyway because none of those things happened as a result of my own choices and actions. They weren't always right but who always makes the right moves? One thing I do know is this, I wouldn't change a thing.

I am sitting here tapping my keyboard whilst in contemplation about a present that does not exist and I still find myself here in my imagination. I can't say that I ended up doing all the things I wanted to do by now, that would be a lie. I can't say that my journey here was an easy one, but it was worth it? Yes. My life so far has been eventful, I may not have lived as much as some of you, but I have got a fair amount of experience in my adult life and I am happy with it.

I may not have the best job in the world, I may have to catch buses, trains, taxis or walk to and from where I want to go, but I couldn't be happier. No have haven't made my fortune by getting punched in the face, I don't have a degree and I don't teach. I'm not a father yet and I don't know when I will be.

I do have some of the best friends I could ever ask for, a job that I like doing (sure it does my head in every now and then but that's just work). I have the most beautiful woman in the world to call my girlfriend and I have the rest of my life ahead of me. Forget about the What Ifs…