Boobs might be the greatest thing in the entire world. There was once a time when it was considered an insult to show off ones cleavage… I am unbelievably glad I do not live in such a time. Although I do think that boobs are also a little bit evil - In a good way obviously.
See, I am in the firm belief that when we are all at school and the girls and boys are separated for sex education that as well as lessons in the safe practices of intercourse, you women are educated in the art of boob-seduction. Yes, I am on to you. I will still more than likely fall for your devious plots but I am still on to you.
You and your eye-drawing cleavage that you claim not to show off on purpose. We all know you do it so that you can get us to say yes to things without realising it. It's not a very nice thing to do you know, we would never flash parts of our penises to try and get you to say yes unintentionally. Mainly because it's a pretty difficult thing to do, I have tried; my trousers just fell down…
One of the things that seem to be impossible for women to understand is that it is nigh on impossible not to look. I'm not joking; it is a conscious and continuous effort not to stare. It's bad enough when they're covered up but when you let those glorious breasts out, it's like torturous.
Yes, yes we know our moms have them but you have to understand, it's your mom. You wouldn't look at your dads penis if it was on show would you? See, it's the same thing. The great thing is that you buy clothes to show them off. Thank you. One thing I've always wondered though, do you buy them thinking "my boobs look good in this" with the intention to show them off or do you just like the top/dress? I bet you would say the latter but I also bet there is a hint of the former…
I think you like to test us as well. Just to see us struggle, watch the tiny beads of sweat drip down our foreheads. Watch us focus so intently on your eyes that we are frowning, all just to see how long we can avoid the glance until we crack under the pressure. Then after all the effort we put in, when you catch us, you frown at us. Sometimes even complain at us "my eyes are up here…", yes I know but they're just so pretty.
Imagine the scenario… We’re in a club/bar/pub of some description. You're at the bar looking all gorgeous with an average amount of cleavage for a night out (obviously I know you don't always have your boobs out but humour me). It's midway through the night about ten-ish so we’ve had some drinks… I come over to you to talk (lets face it, you wouldn't come over to me). You have obviously dressed to attract and yet if I were to look more than once the conversation would turn fairly quickly. No? Hmm… I knew you would have that reaction. It's true though. What? The reaction where you say "No I don't" or "No I wouldn't say anything" and any number of other statements to the same affect. Stop lying because you know you would. You sometimes even say, "I'm used to it", if that's the case, why give me and the rest of the male population so much hassle. I think you should look at the positive side if you're wearing a top that shows your boobs and we look, are you not achieving what you set out to do?
Obviously I know that we are not perfect. There are some men who just gawp. Not that you'll believe me, but I don't do that. I will not deny looking but as I said, boobs are my favourite things in the world, but I don't stare (maybe a little if I'm really drunk). It's taken years of conditioning though, making eye contact and not breaking it is a difficult thing to learn, even if there's no boobs to look at. I'm sure any women I know and see regularly will not attest to this but I don't care, if you do think I stare, please know that I'm desperately trying not too. In fact, if you do think I stare, tell me to stop.
I thought I was actually a little bit sick with boob fever the other week. Everything just made me think of boobs. I even saw the word breast and I have no idea why but it made me laugh. It was a trying time, but I'm past it now.
Boobs are great. If I believed in a god I would thank him for such a wonderful gift to mankind. Instead I will thank Charles Darwin because he came up with the theories of evolution. More importantly I will thank all of you. You wonderful, wonderful women who can make a bad day better just by having boobs, that's facetious but it is true. Walking around and catching a glimpse of ample bosom in a low cut top can really brighten up my day.
I genuinely mean no offence by this post I just thought I would share my love and appreciation. To all of you women out there with boobs, keep doing what you are doing and don't ever stop. And thank you from the very bottom of my heart.
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