Right, this one's going to be another soppy one and you have my friend to blame, she has just given birth to her second child and now has two perfect kids. She brought them into the office today and I stood chatting to her holding her baby. Passing women commented and said that it suited me holding a baby - I won't lie, I couldn't stop smiling. As I have mentioned rather consistently in my posts, I am not your average guy, I get broody.
I don't know what it is, one of my friends insists it's an unusually high amount of oestrogen in my body, but I coo like most women when I see a baby. I like kids, I sort of think I don't know how to be around them or what to say but I think I do alright. In fact, I have supporting evidence… but that's beside the point.
My friends' baby started crying in the office as she was getting them ready to leave, I'd already said I'd help her to her car so I picked up the car-seat and started swaying it. Standing there rocking a car-seat with a crying baby in an office draws attention, I don't care who you are. After a few seconds, she stopped crying and I got a little round of applause, I must be a natural.
I get broody, not only because babies are cute and make cute little noises and stuff, but because I want to be a dad. If I could convince some woman to want to have a baby with me now, I would. Well obviously we would have to wait around nine months, but you know what I mean. I know most men see themselves as a father at some point in their lives and usually have an idea how many kids they would like, but I've never known another guy get broody like me before.
It just get's me thinking about being older and stuff and reading bedtime stories or teaching my kids to ride a bike or how to swim - all that sort of stuff. I'm almost twenty-five and when I was younger I thought I'd have two kids by now, I don't think I'm too young to have children but I am probably not in the right place in my life. Still being there to see my own son or daughter grow up in front of my eyes never fails to make me smile.
First laugh, first steps, first words, first day at nursery and all that. I am obviously aware that it's not easy, sleepless nights incredibly smelly nappies… none of that scares me in the slightest. I want to get up in the middle of the night and let my girlfriend/fiancé/wife rest (as much as possible) while I change or feed and get the baby back to sleep. I want to be able to say that I'm a great dad because that's something I know I will be. My future kids and their mum will be the centre of my world and I will be doing everything for the rest of my life to be the best boyfriend/fiancé/husband and father I can be.
I have images in my mind of dropping off my kids for their first day of school and being there to pick them up. As I put that into words I have a mixture of feelings and emotions, I have a sense of pride as my imaginary little boy or girl walks into class. There is a bit of fear because I'm hoping that they are ok and have a good time. Is it strange that even thinking about these things has an affect on me? Is it odd that I think about them at all?
I know that I'll be proud of my kids no matter what and I know that I will love them more than I can even comprehend. But one thing I do know is that they will teach me as much as I will teach them. You can read all the books and go to all the classes but even without being a parent I know that you are never truly ready for what your first baby brings you. I keep smiling as I write this because I am so looking forward to the biggest lesson of my life.
I have an unusual amount of experience with pregnancies too, my ex girlfriend's sister was pregnant while we were together and I would sit there with her listening to her baby's heartbeat through a monitor. I have seen the mood-swings and think I did a pretty good job of cheering her back up when she was down. I sat next to my friend at work through both of her pregnancies and listened to her talk about the things that she was afraid of. I know that all women are different and that all pregnancies are different too, but I think I'll be well prepared - at least a little any way.
I even want to be able to go and get whatever my pregnant partner wants or needs. I will be a guy you can depend on. I will be a guy you will be proud to say is going to be the father of my child. People have things that they are good at or things that they believe they were meant to do. I honestly think that I will be such a great dad because I was born to do it. I am going to love my kids so much, and I know they are going to love me. I can see them (I'm smiling again) running to me with their arms wide open wanting to be picked up and squeezed. And I tell you what; I am always going to be there.
There are things that you learn from life whether it is from a good or bad experience that you know you will never forget. I think it is your job to pass on this knowledge to you children so they are able to make choices and know the risks they want to take. Life is a lesson and you never stop learning, an experience that is different for us all and that makes us all special. My kids won't have the same life as me and they won't be exactly like me either but I know they'll be great because hey, they'll have me as dad.
I've always been the settle down kind of guy; I used to browse Argos catalogues when I was younger and look at furniture. I always knew that I wanted a family and the more my life moves forward the more I want that. I can't make it happen, when it does, it does. Whenever the world falls into place and fate decide that me and the lucky (or stupid, depending on your perspective) woman I'm with are ready, it really will be the greatest lesson I will ever learn.
Maybe it's that my dad was a complete and utter waste of space and I know how not to be a father, maybe it's because my mom is one of the most amazing women I have ever known and raised me to be the man I am today. Whatever the reasons, I want to take all the knowledge I have from my measly twenty-five years and counting and give to a little person that will call me dad. I want to be able to teach them everything I know and make sure that they can always come to me whenever they need anything.
To my future wife; I promise that I will make you proud and happy to call me the father of your children. I promise that no matter how crazy you get or irrationally mad or upset, I will be there to be yelled at or cried to. I promise that you will always have a pillar of support and I will always be by your side.
To my future children; I promise that there will never be a day that you don't know how much I love you. I promise that whenever you need me, I will be there. I promise to keep you safe when you are scared. I promise that you will always be the most important thing in my life, no matter what.
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