In Laws?

Over the last couple of weeks, this topic has come up fairly often… It's something everyone (apart from strange and unfortunate people) have to do. It can be scary to the point where you make excuses and actually put it off because you're scared about all the "What ifs?" Yep, you guessed it, it's time to meet the parents…

I have never understood why this is a big deal. Seriously, why is? Is it the end of the world if I meet your mum and dad and they don't like me (which is extremely unlikely I might add)? Am I going to go out and buy some 'smarter' looking clothes and get a hair cut? No. That would be lying. Whoever you are, you love me. It doesn't matter to me whether a couple of people "approve" of me. Actually I think I find that entirely condescending and insulting.

How dare you, after meeting me for the first time decide whether you "approve" of me? Who do you think you are? I'll do will I? This one's ok? I tell you what, how about I tell you that I couldn't care less about your opinion. Not even a little bit. So regardless of whether you think I "fit the bill" unless something happens between me and your daughter, I'm going to continue seeing her. In your face.

I'm glad that I've got that off my chest, but I've never really had that problem. I just don't worry about it and I find it goes smoothly and I won't ask if I've done alright as soon as we leave… No, I'm an adult and so are your parents, I'm pretty sure I can manage to have a civil conversation with them about something in however long we choose to spend with them over dinner or whatever.

The more I think about it the more I realise that it's actually kind of a ceremony. I don't think I did with my last meeting the parent's thing but a lot of people go out for a meal, which of course either winds up with you paying, having a mini argument with her dad because he is insisting on paying or feeling guilty because you let him. If I were in that situation, I'd go with the "You pay next time line." Three reasons; a) it shows that you aren't afraid of them and are confident b) that without having to say it, you had a good time and would like to do it again c) they instantly know that you are a gentleman and will treat their daughter well. That sentence has many more connotations and provokes more thought than just that but trust me that works. And if her dad still insisting, go split the bill 50-50 at the least and always leave a tip.

I can completely understand why people get nervous about it, well I think I can anyway, but I still think… just chill out. The harder you try, the more that in the be all and end all of it you are actually just creating a lie. You are acting in a way that you wouldn't normally, you are saying things you don't really say and who is it benefitting? I'll tell you who, nobody, that's who. I think if you are bothered about what they think then the phrase - just be yourself - will never be more important. You only get one chance at a first impression and I would imagine you want to make it a good one.

There are so many things that go into this, what I consider to be farcical occasion. First thing, the dad or step-dad or whatever will be trying to be 'the man' and be important and ask you questions - You have to be able to answer them otherwise you look dim, so you have to 'compete' with the dad. Secondly, the mother is going to try and find out, usually without asking directly, what your intentions are. Either way the dad is going to be left out a little bit, because if you’re a girl meeting your boyfriend's parents, you're gunna gossip with the mother. Every day of the week. On top of that you will be making the clichéd jokes about "keeping him in line". If you're a guy meeting the girlfriend's parents, you're going to want to be as nice to her mum as you are to her daughter while, as I mentioned earlier, keeping up with dads questions.

All of this goes on - I'm going to see if I can I can arrange to secretly film a meeting the parents night - for study obviously. Maybe I'm just an over confident arrogant doosh but I honestly don't worry about it. They're new people, if I meet a friend of a friend, I'm not going to try harder to impress them because I haven’t met them before, would you? That's how I look at it - These are just new people, just because they happen to be the people responsible for raising the person I'm with makes no difference to me.

Obviously there is a sense that you would like them to like you. Of course that is the case, but it is by no means necessary that they do. My point is that if you are with someone in the first place, then clearly they like you or maybe even love you so should the fact that you don't really get on with their parents become a problem? I don't think so. I mean I love my mom, she's my mom. But if she didn't like a girl that I was with, I couldn't care less. I do. I like her and I want to spend time with her so whether you think that's a good idea makes no difference to me. That is also part of the problem with the whole thing, I know it probably doesn't happen all that often, but people break up because one of them isn't liked by the respective parents.

It's all settled, you've met their parent's, they've met yours and then you get the joy of joys of arranging your parents to meet their parents… Urgh… That's even more rigmarole. There is this kind of pint where you prep them about each other and give them like a background on each other. It's so weird. Am I the only one who thinks this? Something is so blasé we turn into a life changing event for almost no reason whatsoever. Take the time to just get to know someone don’t make it a pressure cooker where people involved are so stressed there are visible beads of sweat dripping down their foreheads.

As simple as it is, if you treat each other well, get on with each other, then that's all that matters. I don't see what the problem is. Do you? It’s all paramount to how much people judge others though to be honest but I still think that as long as there if he/she is happy then just leave it be. I have said all this but I'm sure I'll be terrible when I have kids… Although I will give whoever it is the benefit of the doubt. I will talk to them about normal things. Just somebody new and I like meeting new people, it's one of my favourite things in the world to do… But we'll come to that later…